Archie was about 10 minutes late out of class yesterday.  I was getting more and more worried as the playground cleared.  She often hangs back a bit to help straighten the books so 5 or so minutes isn’t cause for concern.  But 10 – hmmm.

I was just walking towards her classroom to see where she was when she came running around the corner.  She’d been in the principal’s office.  Again.

This time though, she was in there with the minor players in the group of 4 girls who’ve been doing the bullying.  At first I was a bit miffed that they’d only spoken to the two hangers on basically.  After speaking to my dear old dad though he suggested that perhaps they’re removing the power base before going after the leaders.  As in scare the heck out of the underlings and the leaders will have nobody to join in with them.

Regardless, the two girls were left in no uncertain terms that this was being taken seriously and that if it happened again then the behaviour policy and levels would be enforced.

One girl cried.  She didn’t want to get in trouble.  Archie assured her that it was only if it happened again.  When she recounted this to me she said “I tried to make her feel better mum by saying it would only happen if she did it again/.”  What the???  This kid has harassed her all freaking year and Archie consoles HER????

Yep – that’s my girl :-)  She’s such an empathic creature that she didn’t want the kid to feel bad.  Personally, I felt like poking my tongue out and childishly saying “SO THERE”. 

The other kid wanted to make sure that her parents weren’t going to be told.  Principal said basically not now, but that’s exactly what will happen if there’s a next time.

There was also a class meeting in the morning where the teacher told them all what bullying was and that it wasn’t just a physical act.  He spoke about what had happened to Archie and that it had gone too far.  Then he gave them the same spiel about the consequences if it occurs to Archie OR to anybody else so they’re not going to just find a new victim.

Archie is happy with what’s happened.  I’ll be happier if the school actually lets me know first hand what’s gone on but I’m not going to hold my breath.  School’s aren’t, in my experience, all that great at getting back to people.  I guess in  part this could be written off as being just busy, but it’s something that really gets up my nose.

So hopefully this is the end of it.  She doesn’t mind being left alone and in fact she prefers it.  It’s just easier that way for her. 

Best get off to class.

Archie’s Mum

It’s been a long day today.  I went in to see my supervisor for an hour this morning and came out of there 4 and a half hours later – without lunch – with a head full of ideas and a fair bit of direction.  I’ve then come home and completely undone all of our work by questioning the very thing I was going to investigate!  ARGH.  Anyway, that’s the way research goes right?

I apparently didn’t completely tick the principal off yesterday.  Archie was eager to tell me this afternoon that the principal had come and taken her out of class to talk about what had been happening to her.

She asked for everything that had been done to her, who had done it, and perhaps most importantly (for me anyway) how it made Archie feel.  So Archie told her.

The principal then said that there will be a class meeting ‘next’ Thursday – we’re not sure if that’s this coming Thursday or Thursday next week so I won’t get upset if nothing happens tomorrow.  During this class meeting the principal will explain to the class what bullying is.  She will then discuss what has been happening to Archie.  Finally, the principal will outline exactly what the consequences will be for anybody who continues with this behaviour towards anyone in general, and Archie specifically.  The principal assured Archie that this time, the consequence will be far more than a simple talking to.

As we drove along I twisted the centre mirror so I could look at her sitting in the back seat.  We were stopped at lights so I told her to look up and look me in the eyes.  I asked her how the principal’s words had made her feel.  Just one word as a response.

protected

So much power in one little word.  Add to that the fact that there was a string quartet performance at school today – well let’s just say that all was right in that little person’s world for a while today.  I love ‘up’ days like this.  To hear her chatter incessantly about the string quartet interjected with the occasional humming of each piece of music they played and to hear her say that she had a great day with a big grin on her face.

I will of course ensure that the words are followed by actions but I swear Archie grew by 2 inches this afternoon.  She now has a promise that something will be done if it happens again and that’s all we set out to do.

So, fingers crossed, battle #1 is done and dusted.

I just hope they’re as agreeable and swift when it comes to academic interventions in a couple of months.

Archie’s Mum

I’d never met the principal before, so that was an experience in itself.

I could ramble for hours but in a nutshell the principal said that the behaviour goes against the schools core values of, amongst other things, respect and caring.  A line has been drawn in the sand and we’re moving on from here.  She’s already spoken to the class teacher and discussed a few things.

Serendipitously, it was also a chance for me to talk to her about Archie’s abilities as she didn’t know her and hadn’t read ‘the folder’ about her.  She knew where on the spectrum she sat, but that was it.  So once these social issues are in the bag so to speak, we’re going to tackle the educational aspects.  She totally agreed that the hit miss way that she was being extended was not good enough and she needed more.

It was actually one of the most productive meetings I’ve had as an advocate for my daughter.  We even spoke about homeschooling and how she’d like to keep Archie in the education system but how she could also see why it would be beneficial for Archie.

We talked about Emotional Intelligence (WOW!) and asynchronous development.  We talked about Archie’s need for older friends and we talked about how ‘we’ PG folk see the world in a completely different way and while that wasn’t our fault, it was something that teachers needed to take into consideration.

I think that we got on ok – but seeing as I’m a social retard I’m perhaps not a good judge of that.  Things will happen.  We laughed which is always a good sign I think and we hit a lot of common ground.  Archie will be better off that’s for sure.

I hope that she’s serious about the interventions.  I told her that it wasn’t a sledge at her current teacher as he really is a doll.  In fact today he showed one of his moments of brilliance…he sent Archie home with a massive Venn diagram which had three countries on it – Australia, Antarctica, and the country he and his wife are moving to in the middle east.  He wants her to do a Venn diagram of what’s similar and what isn’t.  It’s fairly easy for Archie but it’s something outside the norm.  She’s already decided that the only common thing to all three is the existence of human life form.

Archie had a good day.  Nobody picked on her.  Some of the kids asked where she’d been yesterday which was nice.  They backed of when she quite manner of factly told them she’d been throwing up bile all weekend.

They did a maths test today – addition and subtraction of 100’s.  Archie and I have been doing this will Shiller Maths for a couple of years now which would usually mean that she’d switch off and not do what she deemed to be baby work.  Thankfully, today she did it, checked over it, and still finished 45 minutes before the rest of the class and was rewarded with getting to read a book.  In the car on the way to get Pelican she proudly told me of this accomplishment and then said you know what Mum, maths is really kind of fun isn’t it?

Yes it is Archie, yes it is.

Thanks to those who’ve emailed me and asked how today went.  I appreciate your thoughts.  If you could all think positive thoughts for a new friend of mine in NZ who is off to advocate for her son tomorrow it’d be appreciated.

Archie’s Mum

Firstly, welcome to the new site!  I’m still working on the theme so it’s not quite how I want it.  I have some great links that aren’t showing up where I want them to but I’ll get onto that tomorrow probably. 

As for the post that made me spin off to this blog, I have an appointment tomorrow afternoon with the school principal to discuss what’s been happening to Archie.  I spent ages on the phone to Mrs T this morning going over what needs to be said and what assurances I need.  She and I decided it would be best if she didn’t come in with me – not at this point anyway.

I’m also catching up with our wonderful educational psychologist this weekend.  I spoke to her hoping to hear words of wisdom but instead she informed me that she’s pulling her youngest out of THE SYSTEM at the end of June.  ARGH wrong answer!!!  I should have known she’d do that to me.  I recall emailing her at the end of the 2nd year of my degree saying I was over it thinking she’d tell me to stick it out and it was only just one more year etc, etc, etc.  Instead she told me she’d dropped out at the end of her 2nd year and gone and travelled.  I should learn not to ask her questions eh?

Archie’s been sick with a stomach virus all weekend but has perked right back up again this afternoon.  It’s time like this when I realise that she is still such a small little person and she looks very much like a little 8 year old.  Oh, except she wanted to know why her vomit was green.  So we googled bile.  That’s normal isn’t it? 

She talked non-stop on the way to pick her big sister up from school this afternoon.  It was great to hear her talking like she normally does.

Archie’s Mum

This is the post that made me realise I should set up a site where I can vent about the issues related to raising our darling smallish child. 

Rant mode on!

Mim posted something about fat acceptance the other day.  It was in relation to an add on an ABC show.  Go over and have a look at it as it’s quite confronting.  I found it very disturbing personally and it really made me sit down and think.

It made me think of how abhorrent I find discrimination of any type.  Not liking somebody because of their individual personality or behaviour is one thing.  I’m not one of these people who believe that everybody should get on.  We are, each and every one of us, an individual and just like ingredients in food, not all go together well.

I do believe, however, that we shouldn’t ridicule, belittle, bully, victimise, or harass a person based on perceived “difference”.  No other reason than just difference.  They are different to you.  Discrimination against somebody’s ‘differentness’ is just illogical.

During a very difficult class on Friday I received a txt msg from BoyWonder.  No wait, before I go on let me give you some background.

Archie is profoundly gifted.  She has an IQ score that is beyond the 99.99th percentile.  This makes her somewhat different, ok, VERY different to most of her peers.  She is not interested in gender normal books, games or past times.  She is passionate about science and space and dinosaurs and ancient history.  She is gifted musically and is a wonderful, loving, caring human being.

She was grade skipped from Year 1 to Year 2 at her old school and then systematically harassed by several children in the class.  The teacher was resentful of her and it was just an abysmal outcome.  Academically the skip wasn’t enough – socially because of a lack of understanding it was terrible for her.  After 3 years of broken promises we changed schools mid last year to get away from an uncaring and dismissive school executive.

There were a few issues last year with the move but she had a wonderful teacher who jumped right on to them and got it sorted out.  We knew there’d be problems as she started at the school mid year.  She wasn’t greatly challenged academically but the teacher did get to know her and did try to do things with her.  Her teacher from last year, Mrs T, and I have become very close friends and Mrs T was heavily involved in the placement of Archie for this year.

Archie was placed with an older, male teacher who is very warm and caring.  He “got” Archie.  He loved Archie.  He again, hasn’t challenged her and his interventions in her school work has been a bit hit and miss.  He does genuinely care but he has a  V E R Y relaxed attitude to a number of things – one of which is the school’s code of conduct.

From the 1st day in this new class, Archie has been bullied and discriminated against.  Day 1, her entire pencil case goes missing.  Strangely enough, it showed up a few weeks ago – one of the teacher’s aides found it in some bushes near the school.  Her hat has been pulled off her head and thrown around by various children but predominantly two girls that sit at ‘the popular table’.  She has had fresh rockmelon/canteloupe squished into her bag.  Her lunchbox has been kicked around the playground.  She has been called stupid, dumb, ugly.  She has been excluded from taking part in activities.  I’ve raised my concern with the teacher and he has apparently ‘spoken to the class in general about being accepting”.

It hasn’t worked.

Earlier this week, two girls that Em had been specifically placed with as friends for this year began the same bullying behaviour.  Why?  Because they’d chummed up with Miss Popular 1 and 2.  Then two boys started to push her around.  The teacher came around the corner and saw what was happening.  Archie told me this elaborate story about what the teacher had done to punish the children.  I found out that night that it was just that – a story.  She’d told me what she knew I wanted to hear – that he’d been proactive about the behaviour – because she didn’t want to upset me.  We have such a strong bond and it hurt me deeply that she felt she need to fabricate a story to protect me.

Now back to where I was.  BoyWonder txt msgd me and asked if I could get Archie a special muffin or something on the way home.  Miss Popular 1 had a birthday on Friday and brought in patty cakes.  As she was handing them out the teacher had to leave with a child who’d just thrown an hourglass at a wall.  So the two teacher’s aides were left in charge of the class.

Every child in the class received a patty cake.  One boy even received 2.  Archie – well she missed out.

Yes, I know, toughen up princess it’s just a stupid patty cake.  But when you are constantly excluded – well it wears a bit thin after a while.

I rang Mrs T to get the email address of her current teacher as I’d had enough.  Then I get told that current teacher is leaving in 2 weeks.  Fricking excellent.  Yet another teacher to educate about Archie.

Mrs T is coming up to the school to see the principal to get something done next week as she totally agrees – this has gone on for too long.

Why does this worry me so much?  Because my beautiful, vibrant, precious daughter is becoming anxious.  I know the signs.  No, not because of my clinical training.  Because I lived with anxiety for a lot of my childhood and most of my adult life.  She worries about going to school.  She discusses with me where the safe places are at school.  She is relieved when we show up to collect her in the afternoon.  Not just happy to see us.  Relieved.  Another day safely over.

This is when Tardie gets on her soap box.  Anybody who is reading this out there that has children for the sake of humanity teach them tolerance and acceptance.  Teach them that different is not scary.  Whether the different person is black, white, red, yellow or orange.  Whether that different person is of a different sexuality than yours.  Or if they follow a different God, or don’t follow one at all.  Whether they’re fat, or skinny.  Whether they’re super smart, or they have Down’s syndrome.  Whether they excel at sports or they have problems walking down the hallway without tripping.

You do not, they do not need to like the person.  They don’t even need to condone what it is that makes that person different.  But they DO need to accept that there are differences in this world and that the fact that somebody is different to you in some way does not give you a God given right to make their life a misery.

These children learn from somewhere that this behaviour is to be tolerated.  Maybe it’s time we all sat up and looked at ourselves and asked what it was about our own behaviour that models this message to our children.

For me, and for my kids, I will never, ever treat a person differently because of some perceived difference.  I don’t like every body that I meet.  As I said before, I don’t think it’s possible for every body to like every body else.

But I will never, ever tease, harass or bully somebody simply because they’re different to me – because quite frankly, most people are.

I am an overweight, intelligent, middle aged, married female who doesn’t follow a God and who believes that people have a right to choose their sexuality and their gender and live their life in the way that they see fit.  If you don’t like my attitude, then don’t interact with me.

Simple as that.

Archie’s Mum