This is the post that made me realise I should set up a site where I can vent about the issues related to raising our darling smallish child. 

Rant mode on!

Mim posted something about fat acceptance the other day.  It was in relation to an add on an ABC show.  Go over and have a look at it as it’s quite confronting.  I found it very disturbing personally and it really made me sit down and think.

It made me think of how abhorrent I find discrimination of any type.  Not liking somebody because of their individual personality or behaviour is one thing.  I’m not one of these people who believe that everybody should get on.  We are, each and every one of us, an individual and just like ingredients in food, not all go together well.

I do believe, however, that we shouldn’t ridicule, belittle, bully, victimise, or harass a person based on perceived “difference”.  No other reason than just difference.  They are different to you.  Discrimination against somebody’s ‘differentness’ is just illogical.

During a very difficult class on Friday I received a txt msg from BoyWonder.  No wait, before I go on let me give you some background.

Archie is profoundly gifted.  She has an IQ score that is beyond the 99.99th percentile.  This makes her somewhat different, ok, VERY different to most of her peers.  She is not interested in gender normal books, games or past times.  She is passionate about science and space and dinosaurs and ancient history.  She is gifted musically and is a wonderful, loving, caring human being.

She was grade skipped from Year 1 to Year 2 at her old school and then systematically harassed by several children in the class.  The teacher was resentful of her and it was just an abysmal outcome.  Academically the skip wasn’t enough – socially because of a lack of understanding it was terrible for her.  After 3 years of broken promises we changed schools mid last year to get away from an uncaring and dismissive school executive.

There were a few issues last year with the move but she had a wonderful teacher who jumped right on to them and got it sorted out.  We knew there’d be problems as she started at the school mid year.  She wasn’t greatly challenged academically but the teacher did get to know her and did try to do things with her.  Her teacher from last year, Mrs T, and I have become very close friends and Mrs T was heavily involved in the placement of Archie for this year.

Archie was placed with an older, male teacher who is very warm and caring.  He “got” Archie.  He loved Archie.  He again, hasn’t challenged her and his interventions in her school work has been a bit hit and miss.  He does genuinely care but he has a  V E R Y relaxed attitude to a number of things – one of which is the school’s code of conduct.

From the 1st day in this new class, Archie has been bullied and discriminated against.  Day 1, her entire pencil case goes missing.  Strangely enough, it showed up a few weeks ago – one of the teacher’s aides found it in some bushes near the school.  Her hat has been pulled off her head and thrown around by various children but predominantly two girls that sit at ‘the popular table’.  She has had fresh rockmelon/canteloupe squished into her bag.  Her lunchbox has been kicked around the playground.  She has been called stupid, dumb, ugly.  She has been excluded from taking part in activities.  I’ve raised my concern with the teacher and he has apparently ‘spoken to the class in general about being accepting”.

It hasn’t worked.

Earlier this week, two girls that Em had been specifically placed with as friends for this year began the same bullying behaviour.  Why?  Because they’d chummed up with Miss Popular 1 and 2.  Then two boys started to push her around.  The teacher came around the corner and saw what was happening.  Archie told me this elaborate story about what the teacher had done to punish the children.  I found out that night that it was just that – a story.  She’d told me what she knew I wanted to hear – that he’d been proactive about the behaviour – because she didn’t want to upset me.  We have such a strong bond and it hurt me deeply that she felt she need to fabricate a story to protect me.

Now back to where I was.  BoyWonder txt msgd me and asked if I could get Archie a special muffin or something on the way home.  Miss Popular 1 had a birthday on Friday and brought in patty cakes.  As she was handing them out the teacher had to leave with a child who’d just thrown an hourglass at a wall.  So the two teacher’s aides were left in charge of the class.

Every child in the class received a patty cake.  One boy even received 2.  Archie – well she missed out.

Yes, I know, toughen up princess it’s just a stupid patty cake.  But when you are constantly excluded – well it wears a bit thin after a while.

I rang Mrs T to get the email address of her current teacher as I’d had enough.  Then I get told that current teacher is leaving in 2 weeks.  Fricking excellent.  Yet another teacher to educate about Archie.

Mrs T is coming up to the school to see the principal to get something done next week as she totally agrees – this has gone on for too long.

Why does this worry me so much?  Because my beautiful, vibrant, precious daughter is becoming anxious.  I know the signs.  No, not because of my clinical training.  Because I lived with anxiety for a lot of my childhood and most of my adult life.  She worries about going to school.  She discusses with me where the safe places are at school.  She is relieved when we show up to collect her in the afternoon.  Not just happy to see us.  Relieved.  Another day safely over.

This is when Tardie gets on her soap box.  Anybody who is reading this out there that has children for the sake of humanity teach them tolerance and acceptance.  Teach them that different is not scary.  Whether the different person is black, white, red, yellow or orange.  Whether that different person is of a different sexuality than yours.  Or if they follow a different God, or don’t follow one at all.  Whether they’re fat, or skinny.  Whether they’re super smart, or they have Down’s syndrome.  Whether they excel at sports or they have problems walking down the hallway without tripping.

You do not, they do not need to like the person.  They don’t even need to condone what it is that makes that person different.  But they DO need to accept that there are differences in this world and that the fact that somebody is different to you in some way does not give you a God given right to make their life a misery.

These children learn from somewhere that this behaviour is to be tolerated.  Maybe it’s time we all sat up and looked at ourselves and asked what it was about our own behaviour that models this message to our children.

For me, and for my kids, I will never, ever treat a person differently because of some perceived difference.  I don’t like every body that I meet.  As I said before, I don’t think it’s possible for every body to like every body else.

But I will never, ever tease, harass or bully somebody simply because they’re different to me – because quite frankly, most people are.

I am an overweight, intelligent, middle aged, married female who doesn’t follow a God and who believes that people have a right to choose their sexuality and their gender and live their life in the way that they see fit.  If you don’t like my attitude, then don’t interact with me.

Simple as that.

Archie’s Mum

Folk who’ve wandered over here from my old blog may well remember this piece.  It’s an article that I wrote and had published in a local association newsletter.

It was written at the beginning of 2008 and let’s just say that the year rolled out to prove that I had reason to be worried.  Anyway, I thought I’d repost it here, where it belongs while I figure out how to start this blog of Archie’s.

My Miss 6 and I have a routine at night.

After dinner she goes and does silent reading in her room. At around 7.30 - 8.00 she comes out and says goodnight to her dad and big sister and gently grabs my hand. Then we go and do what the two of us love doing the most - its story time.

Sometimes she’ll read something to me. Other times she just wants to listen. She begs me to use my ’special talent’ of reading backwards. Not just each word backwards…but saying the words in reverse. Strange I know, but it fascinates her.

We recently finished reading The Hobbit, and then polished off The Lion, The Witch, and The Wardrobe. It’s wonderful sharing my childhood favourites with my daughter and seeing that she has developed my passion for reading. My older girl likes reading - but not like me and Archie. From the age of about 6 months, books were Archie’s favourite ‘toy’. They still are. She has been reading independently at a very high level since before her 4th birthday. Her books are her window into the world.

But I digress (I know, what’s new).

Lately, we’ve been reading Stephen and Lucy Hawking’s book about George’s Secret Key to the Universe. It’s a cool book. It combines two of Archie loves - reading and astronomy.

Her room is not what you’d call normal. It’s mauve with darker mauve skirts and architraves. It has a Dora the Explorer wall paper border running around it. There’s a bunch of Dora stick on’s over her walls and she has pink fairy and cat curtains on her window.
But she also has a glow in the dark, to scale model of the planets strung above her bed, a couple of astronomy posters on her wall, 100’s of glow in the dark stars on her ceiling, and a book shelf full of rocks, miniature dinosaurs, and fossils.

While she’s reading, and when I’m in there reading with her, the light is charging her solar system. We read. She stops when she doesn’t understand a word or an expression. She tries to assimilate the newly learnt word with information that she already knows. Sometimes we’ll talk about the Latin roots of the word. Sometimes, if she’s tired, she’ll just lie - not quite still - and listen.

We read for about half an hour normally. Just the two of us. It’s become our time together to share something we both enjoy. Once the book has been read, it’s lights out. Then comes my favourite part.

We snuggle up on her bed - and we stare up at her stars and her planets. They glow amazingly well - enough to all but light up her room. And we talk. Mostly she talks, and I listen. I think she’s become accustomed to having this time to download all of the incredible things that she thinks of, or learns, or sees during the day. I usually spend about another 15 minutes laying there with her. Just being together and being relatively peaceful and calm. A rare occurrence for Archie.

Last night, after what was a rollercoaster of a day - I lay there with her in my arms and sobbed. I wondered what the world will make of this wonderful, unique, weird little person. I’m sure that what I find delightful and entertaining in her character, others find strange, and just plain annoying.

I cried because I miss the baby that I held in my arms. I cried because I wonder what this year will bring for her and hope to some universal power that it’s not just another year of abject frustration. And I cried because I’ll truly miss this little human being when she returns to school next week. Even when we’re not ‘doing’ anything, she makes me smile with the incredible range of ‘facts’ she feels compelled to share with me.

This empathic, caring little creature gently wiped away my tears and assured me that nothing should upset me, because she’ll always be my friend and we’ll always have this special time together.

I sigh and think to myself, if only that was true.

But for now, I’ll keep enjoying my favourite time of day with my little friend.